Johnson Family Dish

12 Years

It is impossible to put into words how much I am thankful for these last 12 years as Randon and I look them over together. The overwhelming feeling is love and joy, despite the tears and heartache that we have also felt. When we think of the time we have spent and the time to be spent, we look forward to the day when time will no longer matter so much.

Randon loves to put time into perspective for me. He says things like, ‘in 12 more years we could be grandparents’, or (as Kelcie was holding a baby at church) ‘only 8 more years and that could be real…’. Love him as I do I have had to tell him to STOP!! He is making me feel old!!

Never in my life have I feared a birthday, turning 30 or whatever. I have always been very secure about my age and almost happy to finally be maturing enough to have some sense about me, I am always searching for this and rejoice that age gives it to me a bit at a time. But all of this putting time in perspective is killing me! It is going by too fast already!

We have recently made a very BIG decision in our marriage and it too has me feeling old. I always thought that I would be raising babies until I had grand babies to comfort the lack of my own babies. But it seems that we have all of the children we will have. There are other dreams that now demand our attention. And eager as I am to start working on this new season in our lives I look back with longing to the one I am leaving. I wonder at how I let this time slip away? Did I drink it in and savor it for the gift that it was? Probably not as much as I should have, hind sight you know.

Conversely, I am loving having Kelcie and Morgan growing up a bit. They bring me so much joy to watch them as they work or interact with others and become independent. I see them becoming responsible, smart girls.

Work

I made an interesting observation today with my children.

I was helping Addi with her penmanship and she was putting forth the same effort that she does with everything that she does, she has inherited my need to have perfection and is so hard on herself when things are not perfect (my poor girl, I KNOW that frustration) but she had a happy attitude eventhough I was erasing some of her work and making her do it over (which is upsetting to her). Anyway, she was happy with her accomplishments when she was done. The same pride that she has when she does a good job cleaning the table off after dinner or how happy she is when she picks up all of her things in her bedroom, ‘all by herself’. I see this in all of my children at times and rejoice with them and thier successes.

Then we had Kelcie doing her homework and struggling with the definitions of her spelling words. She was being stubborn and not wanting to look up the definitions, wanted “me to just help her, you know the definitions,” and I did. She was pretty angry with me that I would not just tell her and when her word could not be found in the childrens dictionary and she had to look it up in the large one, she was MAD! Just like she struggles at times with other work she is asked to do. I help her as much as I can but she needs to be the one to do the actual work. When she was done being angry and surrendered to the fact that she was going to have to look the words up, and not depend on her human dictionary, she did the work just fine, and well. I also see this with all of my children in thier journey to gain self discipline. It is hard to watch them struggle with things at times when I do know the answers, they must somehow find out for themselves.

I see this in my relationship with our Father in Heaven. I see that at times he lets me figure things out on my own and lets me struggle just enough to learn what I need to learn.

I just find it interesting that sometimes it is a struggle and our attitude can determine how long we struggle with something. Very humbling observation to me.

Spring Break 2006

Our Spring break this year has been so nice. Much different than last years Spring Break (Disneyland), but nice in it’s own right. We have been sleeping in until 6:30 am, and not having to rush around and get things done. The kids have NOT sat around watching TV, they have been playing outside in our lovely AZ weather.

Today we had a really good day. Charis and Addi went to play at the Peterson’s and then Addi went to make cookies with her sweet Primary teacher, Terri McMorris. Scott went to a birthday party with his best friend Aaron. And Kelcie and Morgan and I went shopping. I gave them both $50. 00 of our clothing budget and they both bought two outfits. Smart girls. I have to add here that they did a really good job staying within thier set budgets. It was fun to watch them add things up and decide if they wanted to buy something more expensive, or try and get more puch for the $. We plan to have Kelcie managing a clothing budget next year, and all of our kids when they turn 12, so this was a good training session.

Then we came home to make dinner for the Missionaries and ourselves and we all worked together to get the house clean. I know it sounds too good to be true, but sometimes it is just that good (and as mothers we have to relish these times as they tend to be far and few between).

Yesterday I was in my jammas until 5pm, yeah me. I did not have to go anywhere until then and so I took advantage. I put sweats on when I did get dressed, I know that barely counts as getting dressed.

So Spring Break was a huge success here! Hope that yours was too.

The Deed is Done

The cat is out of the bag. The video was OUT! Randon and I watched it together and agree that it is not good.

I gave Kecie 3 books to read. One about her changing body (puberty) which we have already discussed but she is loving the book. I gave her a book simply titled ‘The Human Reproductive System” LOVE this one! It is just stating the facts in very scientific terms, thank heavens! And one more about how a baby grows and devlopes in a mothers womb, with the actual pictures inutero. Love this one too! I gave these to her with instructions to read them. She couldn’t help but sharing this information with her sister, even though I asked her not to, o’well. And told her to come to me with any questions.

1 hour later they both came to me with VERY specific questions! I let them lead the conversation and they wanted to KNOW EVERYTHING!! I had to answer the Penis and Vagina mystery. It was traumatic, for me! As Sandi noted, they were ready for the talk, I however, not so much! But I prayed, and I feel good about our talk.

I made them promise me that they would keep this information sacred, not to be discussed lightly. I also made them pinky swear that they would behave like a young lady, they have adult information now, they must live up to this! They agreed.

Strangely, after the shock wore off, I felt really good about it. I felt like I was giving them permission to grow up. Like I was acknowledging, to them and me, that this will indeed happen and that I need to embrace it. And teach them to be responsible with this power of procreation, that we are facing the fact that they have. I feel that I have grown as a mother from this experience.

I appologize to all of my “Right Minded Mom” friends who have read this on our board. I had to preserve this experience for posterity. When my girls and boy want to know how I approached this issue, I want them to know how thier poor, dear, loving (okay, I’ll stop) mother agonized over this issue. I want them to be open with their children too. And I asked every one I talked to in this short span of time (this week) HOW THEY TACKLED THIS ISSUE! Especially because Randon and I never had this talk with our parents.

Or maybe this is just some sort of parental payback, embarassment, not sure yet.

Sex Education — AHHHH!

That was a loud and high pitched scream by the way!

My oldest daughter Kelcie came to me yesterday and asked me, very reluctantly, if what the girls at school told her about how babies came was true. Her exact words were “Mom do you have to be naked to have a baby?” and bless her heart she looked so embarassed to ask me. I have had the where babies come out talk with her so I told her that yes, you couldn’t have any pants on because of that, “that’s not what I mean” she says. OH dear! I once again tried to keep calm and answered her with a truthful yes and told her that I would go get a book at the library so that we could talk about this. (I know, you would think I could do this on my own.)

So today I went to the librarian and asked the dearest sweetest librarian about this (we have become quite familiar with her). She sweetly directed me to “THE SECTION”. After looking through the books, best I could with my 2 little ones in tow, I found a couple of acceptable ones. One was totally out of the question as it also included information on Gay and Lesbian couples, domestic violence, rape, etc. THIS WAS THE CHILDRENS SECTION FOR PETE’S SAKE! While I realize that these are relavant issues, it is not something that I want to add to this mountain I am trying to climb here. She also found me a video, which I just watched and had no problem with until the characters were in bed together ‘wriggling’ (this part seemed to last for hours, although the movie is only 27 min long). BTW it is called ‘Where did I come from?”

I feel like I need a video called ‘WHAT DO I DO? AND WHAT IS TOO MUCH INFORMATION?” I mean I realize that I am going to have to tell her about the physical part of sex, but when I confirmed her susspisions yesterday she was so grossed out! HELP ME!

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,

To weep is to risk being called sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,

To live is to risk dying,

To hope is to risk despair,

To try is to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.

Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.

Only the person who risks is truly free.

Often attributed to the poet and thinker, Leo Buscaglia, the real author of this inspirational verse is Janet Rand.

I was looking for a short story to share with my book group and I found this piece of poetry. I loved it so much that I had to add it here for your reading pleasure.

To me this poem sort of sums up very simply what life is about. Heartache is worth the risk, sometimes. This poem brought to mind a phrase I heard years ago, that is “Life is risky, let’s face it, no one gets out alive!” I would love to read your comments on this poem.

Will there ever be peace?

I just read this article. I mourn for the ones who lost thier loved ones and I wonder, will we ever know peace? I don’t mean to murmur, I have faith that the Savior will come and restore peace, it is getting harder to wait and watch all of the sorrow and sadness that this world sees.

The Sun WILL some out tommorow!

The kids had a better day today at the new school. There was much less grumbling. Morgan was so proud of herself, she completed her homework assignment and got to go to recess and play. Some of her classmates had to stay in and make corrections to their work before they could go out .

The big kids…

are not so happy. It is hard to try and transition into a new school with a new teaching style. The older three are overwhelmed with the simplest of things. I am having to walk them through babysteps of EVERYTHING. Their emotions are very raw and on the surface. They are angry about not being able to find a certain friend at recess and that one friend was ill and not at school. Basically it is just emotions RUNNING OVER the brim. This is going to take a lot of love and patience, not to mention the prayers.

Addi is SO Happy!

She LOVES her new school! She is happy and lighthearted again. She is in 1/2 day K now. So, although Morgan and Scott did very well with a full day of K, Addi did not like it so much. It just makes me so happy that she is happy. Truly, ‘a childs laughter is the song of a mothers heart’!